Kindness

Two weeks ago was World Kindness Day.  I was going to post something.  I even started the blog.  But then life got in the way and I lost track of what I wanted to say and my thoughts about things.  So I apologize.  I am working on reclaiming myself, and I will never be late with a holiday again.

That being said, World Kindness Day.  A day to remember to be kind to everyone.  A day to understand that little things can make all the difference.  I would like to believe that every day is World Kindness Day, not just one day out of the year.

I often forget that it's the little things that make the difference.  An entire day can be changed with a smile.  A hug goes a really long way.  Dropping a little personal note means the world to some people.  I have been going through some emotional times lately, and it has really made me notice what kindness really can do. Buying me a milkshake or giving me a hug really almost made me cry, I was so thankful.  These things show that people care.  People take 2 seconds out of their day to make me feel better, and I am forever grateful.

And it's not just when I am feeling bad.  If I am in the happiest mood in the world, a smile from a stranger or a kind word will mean the world to me then too.  And then I am more apt to share and "pay it forward," if you will.  I don't think I'm alone in these feelings.

One of the coolest people I have ever got the chance to meet is Paul, the "Ripples" guy.  Paul started The Ripples Project, which you can learn more about here:  www.theripplesproject.org.  Now, as a student affairs person, I love this.  It may be corny to some.  However, the main points of this project is that small, random acts can ripple down into more, bigger, and greater things.  Paul sends out a weekly email every Monday to help motivate growth and passion to people to get through their week.  There are zillions of quotes on his website, and he is a dynamic speaker.  Basically, the key point is that small things make a huge difference.

I feel this is true in life.  The small things make a huge difference.  And with that, you can make a huge difference with little effort at times.  World Kindness Day is a day that reminds me to make a difference.  Smile at a stranger, offer a kind word, give positive reinforcement, and be a pleasant person. It has everything to do with making the world a better place.  If we all treated each other better, think of how happy everyone would be. 

Additionally, acts of kindness make the giver happy too.  I am a forever watcher of the television show "Friends," and there is one episode that always sticks out in my mind.  In it, the character Phoebe is challenged to do one act of kindness that does not benefit her as well.  If you have seen the episode, you know that she fails.  Everything Phoebe does gives her a warm feeling inside too, or benefits her in some ways.  And there's nothing wrong with that!  Kindness isn't just a give. Kindness radiates from within, and warms not only the person or people it is directed to, but us as well.  I know, I know, that's pretty corny.  But it's so true. 

Here's my challenge.  I challenge each of you who read this blog (so all 6 of you) to do one random act of kindness today and see if you can continue it for a week.  Just a small, random act of kindness.  Nothing big.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  Just something small and random.  See what happens.  I am going to take the challenge too.  I need some positivity in my life right now, and I feel this challenge will be great for me.  And I feel it could be great for everyone.  So try it, what do you have to lose?

And finally, a picture of the sweetest little thing, that is always kind to me:

Lessons

Just a warning.  If you vomit when people tell cute stories about their children, turn away now.  Because I am about to tell a cute story.  And even worse, it's not about a human child.  It's about my cats.  Because what else would a cat lady talk about?  But I promise, if you don't gag too much within the story, there is a point.  And honestly, my cats are super smart and amazing anyway, so you should always want to hear stories about them.

First of all, let me say that I have 2 cats.  Albus is the oldest at 2, and Lilith just turned 1.  I got Lilith when she was 8 weeks old, and she still had a lot to learn.  She took to Albus like he was her parent, and he loved taking care of her and looking after her.  I think because she was so young, Lilith learned a lot about being a cat from Albus and me, which probably isn't the best, because Albus is far from a "normal" cat.  But it is adorable.

From the start, Lilith was really afraid of my hair dryer.  Most mornings, I would dry my hair after taking a shower, and Lilith would run away and hide.  However, during hair drying time, it had always been Albus and me time.  Albus would run to me, and with my free hand, I would always be petting him.  I think he also loved the warm air coming out of the hair dryer.  Lilith, being the follower of Albus, always cautiously watched.

One morning, Lilith was sitting there watching me dry my hair from about 10 feet away, when she tentatively started to inch her way closer.  Just a step, then sat back down.  One more step, and sat down again.  She didn't reach the dryer by the time I finished, but I noticed.

The next morning, the same thing.  Lilith sat and watched, and inched forward ever so slowly.  She got closer than last time, but still no touching.

This went on for awhile, until one day, Lilith got to the cord on the hair dryer.  She slowly stuck out one little grey paw, and softy touched the cord of the hair dryer.  The minute her paw made contact, she jumped back, terrified.  It was a hilarious sight, but she was determined.  She went up to the cord again, and reached out her little paw.  Again, the moment contact was made, she jumped back. 

I think you know where I am going with this story.  Finally, about a week after Lilith mustered up the courage to tackle her fear of the hair dryer, she was able to touch the cord without jumping.  I was so proud of her.

Yes, she is a cat.  Lilith probably doesn't have much concept of rational thinking.  However, Lilith saw something she was afraid of, and tentatively took small steps to overcome those fears.  Now, whenever I pull out my hair dryer, she is still a bit wary, but doesn't flinch and instead, comes over and tries to play.  And for that, I am so very proud of her.

This story makes me think that life is full of "hair dryers."  I have a lot of hair dryers, or fears and obstacles that I need to face.  I thought about this story because in roller derby, I am having a lot of trouble getting my turn around toe stops.  I have been working on these for a very long time, and even go to open skate and just turn around throughout the arena, trying to get comfortable with my turn arounds.  I'm currently at the point where I can turn around, pretty ok, as long as I am not too fast or not thinking too much.  Obviously this is my fear getting in the way of me being able to do a move in derby that I really need to master.  I'm afraid of falling down.  Just like when I first started derby, I was so afraid to fall.  When you start playing derby, they teach you the "right" way to fall, and so you are forced to do all kinds of knee falls and such.  I had such a fear of hurting myself by falling, I physically could not do it.  I finally had to stand on my bed and fall, just to get the feeling of allowing myself to do something completely unnatural.

My turn arounds are the same thing.  I have such a fear of falling and hurting myself, but I really have to get over it.  My turn arounds right now are my hair dryer.  They are super scary, but I need to be like Lilith and take small steps, slowly gaining my way into being comfortable with something that freaks me out.

There are other things in my life too that get me fearful.  My life has gone through some tough changes lately, and the changes will only continue as I take the next step in my life.  I have a job search coming up, and I have no clue where I am going to end up.  I have a lot of hair dryers in my way right now.  And it scares me a lot.

One thing I didn't mention in this story is that throughout Lilith's struggles with the hair dryer, Albus was by her side the entire time.  Now, Albus has issues with change too; they freak him out.  In fact, Albus was so stressed out by the change of Lilith coming to live with us, he got stress-related pancreatitis and had to have emergency surgery.  He almost died.  This is not to say that Albus doesn't adore Lilith; he does, he just has trouble dealing with change sometimes.  But that being said, Albus

It's important to have supporters in your life as you conquer your fears.  It's important to have someone that will help you celebrate the small victories, and the person that will hold you accountable for taking one more step along the way.  I have always been an independent person, and I pride myself in keeping myself accountable.  However, sometimes it's not enough.  Sometimes you need that extra push.  For my turn arounds, for example, if I didn't have an external source telling me I was getting better, I would probably not have the same drive to continue working on them.  In my life changes, if I didn't have supporters telling me that my one small steps were big deals, I might not see it that way and get discouraged.  I am very thankful for all of my "Albus's" out there, the ones that see my accomplishments for what they are.

I love my cats.  I have always loved cats, and I will continue to be a huge cat lady for my life.  It's funny how cats have given me so much in life, and are teaching me life lessons.  This blog isn't necessarily about changing the world, and it's not necessarily about the injustice people face in society, which are typically the subjects of my blogs.  But this blog talks about the personal fears within each of us.  I know I'm not the only one with a hair dryer.  I know I am not the only one reading this that has some fears they want to conquer.  My take away for you in this blog is to reflect on your own personal hair dryer.  What is it that you are fearful of? 

Acknowledge your own personal hair dryer, and then take one step at a time to overcome that fear.  That's all I am asking you.  To take one small step each day to overcome those fears you have.  It's a journey of personal growth, and I am going to take it right along with you.  And hopefully, soon, we all will be comfortable playing with the hair dryer cord.

"Man Up, Albany."

I was driving to practice the other day, and all of a sudden, I almost got into a car accident.  Not because of anything other than the fact that I was so shocked by a billboard I saw, I almost slammed on my brakes on the highway.  And the great thing is, in my 7 minute round trip drive to the roller rink, there are 3 of the same billboards.

What gets me all shocked and bothered?  The new Miller Light advertisements.  If you haven't seen it, it is a picture of the beer and the Miller Light logo, with the phrase "Man Up Albany."  Because nothing says being a man more like drinking Miller Light, or so the advertisement wants you to think.

Let's look at just the purpose of the reasoning behind the advertisement.  You can argue with me on this one, because I am just assuming.  But in the past, it generally has not been socially acceptable for men to drink "light" beer.  It typically is a "woman's" drink, because women are the ones that are calorie conscious and watch their figure.  So by Miller saying to "Man Up," it means, be the ultimate man and drink the light beer.  Because real men drink light beer.  That's the main point of this advertisement, correct?

So..... I'm confused.  Why is it only women that drink light beer?  The fact that this is a social norm is amazing to me.  Only women diet?  Only women watch their weight?  Only women like light tasting beer?  Nay, my friends, nay.  This way of thinking perpetuates the myth that all women have are their looks, and men have the brains and muscles.  Seriously, this is one small example of how something so tiny like advertising gets into people's heads and mindsets and creates this terrible objectification and inequality.  It's terrible, and it's really frustrating to me.

And let's not mention the phrase "man up."  Seriously?  Who in the hell created this phrase, or thought it would be a positive thing to start saying?  I want to go and hip check them.  Hard.  Repeatedly.  What does it even mean to "man up?" Does it mean to act like a real man?  What does a real man act like?  I guess my point in this is that there shouldn't be actual characteristics on what a real man is like.  A real man should be whatever they want to be.  Again, this perpetuates the stereotypes that are so present in society, and it just makes me angry.

I guess my whole point and issue is that gender stereotypes are so ingrained in society, they fit into the smallest of things, and people don't realize it.  People don't understand the implications of gender stereotypes and this type of language.

What if someone doesn't fit a gender stereotype?  What if there is someone that is biologically male, but likes show tunes?  What if this biological male wants to drink pina coladas and not beer, light or otherwise?  Society is telling him this is "wrong," that this is not what a man is.  But he is a man.  Think of the damage, the brainwashing, the trouble that could happen because even the most subtle of messages is drowning in gender stereotypes.  It's terrifying to me.

I refuse to buy Miller products.  In fact, in doing a bit of research, I have realized that Miller is bottled by the Coors Brewing Company.  Because of that, I will not be purchasing Miller or Coors beer products in the future.  I encourage you to do the same if you are not happy with the advertisements.

Additionally, this is interesting.  On the MillerCoors website, they have a code of conduct and also a message on how they would love to work with women and minority suppliers.... interesting.  I think it's a good thing that the company says they are striving for equality in business.  Yet their advertising says something completely and totally different. 

Maybe people don't understand or realize the scope of their impact.  But as my friend Spiderman says, "with great power comes great responsibility."  It's huge to be powerful enough to buy billboards and advertise your product.  But with that comes the responsibility of being held accountable for your actions and working to make this world a better place.  I feel that the MillerCoors company is not doing that, and for that, I refuse to do business with them.

And as always, the ones who will always boycott beer in general because it is terrible for their health:

Feminism and Roller Derby

One thing that you all should know about me is that I play roller derby.  I love roller derby.  I strive for roller derby.  On nights that I don't have practice, I sort of cry a little inside.  Roller derby is awesome.

I started getting interested in roller derby when it was thrust into the mainstream a few years ago with the movie "Whip It."  While I had heard of roller derby before, I always assumed derby was something for the strongest people in the world.  However, the movie "Whip It" showed Ellen Page being a timid, not knowing her place in the world individual who was basically transformed by the sport.  And I was looking for something like that.

I started playing roller derby to be empowered.  Be empowered in my femininity, and also to be empowered as an individual.  I had never considered myself strong.  I have never considered myself someone that was sporty.  I have never considered myself to be someone that could hit people and be strategic about moves, all while being on 8 wheels.

I am.  I will be the first to admit that I suck at roller derby.  I have been playing now for a bit over a year, and although I love it and will make every practice I can, I know I am not a natural athlete, and I know that I will never be a good player.  But I appreciate my team for putting up with me, and I appreciate everyone who helps me at least not look like a fool out on the track.

When I joined derby, I had these grand thoughts of how it was going to be a lot of fun and change my life forever.  And... I was right.  Derby has done more than make my thigh muscles strong.  Derby has really made me feel good about myself.  Every day I put on my skates and pads, I am proud of how I have stepped outside of my comfort zone and done something that I couldn't ever think I could.

I do think however, there are some common misconceptions about derby.  Especially women's derby.  One of those things is that it is not a feminist thing, and instead, is a way to flaunt sexuality.  Here's the thing.  I am NOT speaking for every derby girl out there.  I am only speaking for me.  For me, roller derby is not sexy, it's not a way to show off your body, it's not anything like that.  Roller derby is hard work, sweat, and power.  It has nothing to do with flaunting sexuality.  Yes, sometimes the outfits (or "bout-fits") we wear can be revealing.  Yes, some people choose to show a lot more skin playing derby than they do in their real lives.  But it is sort of a necessity.  You sweat.  A lot.  You move.  A lot.  You need tighter fitting clothes because it makes it a sport.  You need clothing that you can move in, and you need light-weight, breathable clothing because otherwise you may sweat to death. 

In addition, I think it's really empowering how judgment free derby can be.  The community at large is just there for a good time.  It doesn't matter what size you are and it doesn't matter how old you are, or how much cellulite you have on your thighs.  Derby is about embracing yourself and your differences.  Derby is about a community of people who may not fit into the mainstream, or maybe they do fit into the mainstream, but we all belong in the derby community, regardless of where we fit in our social group.  It's where you can wear basically anything you want without judgment, because nobody truly cares.  You are who you are, and you do what you do.  It's a great feeling to finally belong to a place where you can be yourself without fearing judgment or harsh words.

There may be some individuals out there who watch derby for the "hot girls in tiny outfits" sensation.  There may be some players who play into that concept.  But seriously, they don't really know or understand derby then.  Because that is not why we dress the way we do, and that is not what derby is about.  If you want to really know what derby is all about, come to a bout.  Come watch, and you'll see just how unfair that statement really is.

There is another misconception that derby is showing the wrong idea, like violence against women.  Yes, we do hit into one another in derby, hip check each other, and occasionally do more than that (although it probably will be a penalty then!).  Yes, it is a violent sport.  But no more violent than wrestling or football or rugby, but I don't hear the same complaints about those sports.  I honestly think the reason some people are upset about derby is because the people on the track are female.  I don't hear any complaints about that in men's derby.  Because in society, men are the ones that are supposed to be "violent."  Men are the ones that are supposed to be "tough."  But because women are violent and tough on the track, it goes against those social roles and causes people to be upset about it.  That's not right.  That is a complete double standard, and buys into the social gender roles, which perpetuates the degradation of women.  Why can't women be strong and powerful too?

Feminism, to me, is the concept that women are full individuals and humans.  Feminism means not looking at women as objects, and valuing women as actual people, capable of doing anything anyone else can.  I consider myself a "humanist," based on what my beliefs on sex and gender are, but feminism is still the buzz word that gets people's attention.  I think roller derby is the epitome of feminism and humanism.  It equalizes people, allows women to fully show their capabilities, and that is powerful. Maybe the way women's derby is portrayed or publicized needs to be changed, maybe it's not that apparent in just viewing the sport.  Maybe we need to think about not sensationalizing the sport so much.  But I honestly feel the sensationalization is solely in the media content, which again, is a problem, but it's not the actual point of derby.  Playing it, I am the most alive that I have ever been.  I feel free to be myself in every aspect of who I am.  I feel strong, I feel empowered, and I feel like there are no constraints to who I am.  I feel like I can do anything I want to do, and I am my own hero.  I feel like a fully functioning human being, and to me, that is what feminism is about.  I leave derby practice ready to take over the world, with the confidence to do anything I want and to be anything I want to be.  If that is not a feminist concept, then please tell me what is.

Roller derby has changed my life.  It has made me more confident, stronger, more comfortable with myself.  I have done things I never believed I could.  I have met some of the most amazing people I have ever known, and I feel like I belong.  I have found my niche in life.  I am not sure about many things in life, but I am sure of one thing: that I will forever be involved in derby for as long as I live.  I want to be the 95 year old woman, still dragging my lawn chair to a derby bout.  Because once I got into the community, I never want to leave.  And if you don't believe me about how roller derby is a feminist sport, let's talk.  Let's go skate around, and see how you feel after our rolling conversation.

Another great thing about derby is that there are a lot of cat people in the community. So here's a picture of my other great love in life, my cat:

It's not "gay"!

I am not a fan of the way the media spins things and sensationalizes things.  For example, the whole marriage issue and same-sex relationships.  I was reading People magazine (because we get it in the office, and I need to keep up with my celebrity gossip!), and there was an article about this country singer who recently got married to her girlfriend.  I can't tell you the name of the country singer, and I can't tell you the details of the wedding.  All I know is that the headline article was something like "A Country Singer's Gay Wedding." 

That bothers me.  It also bothered me whenever the media would talk about Dick Cheney's daughter when he was in the media.  Yahoo News I remember ran a story once where the headline was "Dick Cheney's gay daughter..."  That bothers me.

Let me first tackle the fact that it's not getting gay married.  It's getting married.  There is no such thing as a gay marriage, unless you consider the word "gay" to mean "happy."  If so, then I hope all marriages are gay marriages.

There is this great comedian by the name of Liz Feldman, and she has this comedy skit about gay marriage.  Basically, she adds the word "gay" to every action she does during the day.  Like she gets up, takes a gay shower, eats a gay breakfast, and goes to her gay work.  It's supposed to illustrate how ridiculous it is that people that marry people of similar sex are considered a different category.  And it does, it's pretty funny.  And she's a pretty funny lady.

Gay Marriage really is just marriage, plain and simple.  Don't break it off into another category.  Don't make it specialized; it doesn't need to be.  Also, the word "gay" isn't necessarily inclusive.  Seriously, if we HAVE to put a title to the action, let's call it similar-sex marriage.  And because that gets annoying to say a lot, people may just drop the "similar sex."  Haha.  Because not everyone that marries someone of similar sex considers themselves "gay."  What about people that consider themselves bisexual?  Or queer?  Or trans?  So the term "gay marriage" isn't even correct.

That being said, what really bothers me is the fact that we have to label marriage in such a way, and it doesn't normalize the action.  Of course people that identify as queer are going to feel ostrasized and out of the norm if we keep using terms like this!  If you are called the "gay daughter," or if you are getting "gay married," of course you are not going to feel normal.  Or even if you identify as gay or another term that fits under the LGBTQ umbrella, and you hear other people saying "that's so gay" in public, of course you are going to feel subordinate. 

This is wrong!  Until we as a public change our vocabulary and start saying "marriage," or referring to someone as a daughter, instead of using one little adjective, there is always going to be this special category for people, and it is not going to be normalized. 

If I want to go and get married to another person who happens to be a woman, I am not getting gay married.  I am getting a marriage.  A traditional, run of the mill, typical marriage.  There is nothing special about this marriage.  It will have trials and tribulations, and it will be exciting at times.  But there should be nothing to seperate it from other marriages, no matter who the people are or what biological sex the individuals are in it.

My main argument is that media sensationalizes things.  They need the quick headline that grabs attention, and they need juicy things to make people interested.  I get that, but they are also providing a very bad example for us as a society.  If the media prints and says things like this, the general public then will believe that it's fine to talk like that and say things of that nature.  When it's not ok, because it dehumanizes and disrespects a large group of people. 

Let's all just get along, ok?  Let's all just treat each other with respect and work to be inclusive to all.  One of the best ways to do that is to "normalize" (what is normal, right?) your vocabulary.  If you don't need to add an adjective to something, don't.  It's the same thing with race, for one example.  How many times have you heard, or even said yourself, "look at that black person," or something of a similar nature?  Why do you need the adjective?  Why do you need to sensationalize someone, based solely on who they are?  There is no need- I'm pretty sure you can point out a person or understand what a marriage is without having to break it down in a dehumanizing way.

As a society, we all have a responsibility to be inclusive and to respect each other.  You may not agree with same-sex relationships; I'm not asking you to.  I am just asking you to respect people enough so that you don't dehumanize them and place them in a different category than the general population.  I am asking you to work to see the person first, not certain characteristics about them.  I think each and every one of us has this responsibility, and if we as individuals start to change our language, the media will too.  So I challenge you all to do that; change the world.  It's easy enough to do.

And as a crazy cat lady, I feel that my cats could save the world.  Who doesn't want to open their hearts to everything after seeing the cuteness of this:

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

In the second day of the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," I have not had a lot of time to think and reflect.  I do know that DADT was discriminatory; but I also know it was not meant to be that way.  I think it's funny that the military and society have changed an act that was supposed to protect all people in the military into a terrible tool of discrimination.  And then I wonder what else in the world and society has started off with good intentions, only to be screwed up and changed into a terrible tool. 

Maybe DADT will be a great resource for all, to show that people need to really think critically before putting something into place. Or maybe not... history always seems to repeat itself. 

I looked more into DADT when I started trying to understand why something like this would be put into place.  And honestly, it seemed like a logical step to protect queer people in the military, at the time.  You may argue with me on that, but let me explain a bit.

Historically, the military had rules against sodomy (a very sexist, heterosexist thought), but that was the rule at the time.  If you were caught sodomizing, you were immediately discharged.  In addition, being "homosexual" was a psychological disease according to all of the literature and research, and was labeled as such until the late 70s.  When the military started doing psychiatric exams for people looking to join, if you were queer identified, you would have a mental illness, therefore, you weren't able to join the military. 

This way of thinking continued for awhile, where literally people could kick you out for having a "mental illness," or having sex with a person of the similar biological sex.  When Clinton came into office, he created DADT as a way to protect queer people in the military.  If you don't say you are queer, nobody will kick you out.  If you don't ask people, nobody will be found out about, so nobody will get kicked out.  This came after a man was brutally killed by someone he was serving with, just because he was queer.  So in theory, Clinton thought he was bringing something into fruititon that would protect all people by not allowing people to be discriminated against.

But it slowly evolved into something different, a type of discrimination.  Well, it probably didn't happen slowly.  I think it happened pretty instantaneously.  Where people had to hide who they were in the military, because otherwise they wouldn't be able to serve.  It's a scary situation, but one that happens all the time.  I think DADT has some very close parallels to the real world, in that people often feel the need to hide who they really are, in fears of being bullied, being isolated, being ridiculed.

It is still a very brave thing today to "come out."  If you identify as queer, some of the hardest things you will have to do (my opinion) is come out to yourself, and then come out to other people, especially your main stakeholders.  People have been killed for being queer.  People have lost jobs, lost families, lost everything important to them because of who they are.  It takes so much strength to "come out" and be honest about who you are.  And now, you can be honest about who you are if you are in the military.  If you chose to do so.

But I argue that DADT is happening at other places than just the military.  Yes, it's awesome and amazing that this ridiculous policy has been lifted; but when is it going to be lifted in other aspects of the world?  When is it going to be safe to be queer in general society?  When is it ok for me to step out and say "I'm queer," and not be afraid of repercussions? 

People shouldn't have to hide a certain aspect about who they are in order to feel safe.  The world and society should be inclusive so that all people feel comfortable being completely who they are.  Again, this is me being idealistic, but I also feel that to change society, it needs to come from small baby steps from individuals.

Yes, the repeal of DADT is great.  It's a huge step forward in equality for all people.  But we still have a long ways to go.  So I say celebrate now, enjoy the fact that the government has seen how discriminatory something is, but also understand that unless we really change society and work towards a safe space for all people, DADT still exists in some form.  And I don't want it to.

And now a picture of someone that will love you for who you are, honestly and genuinely:

Happy Birthday, Lilith!  My big girl is now 1!

Why I hate the "B" Word

The word "Bitch" is used in popular culture in every aspect of it.  From people calling others that, either in a joking or a mean manner, to the name of a popular (semi?) artist, the word has taken on many different meanings to many different people.  But regardless of the context and useage, I still flinch every time I hear the word.  Let me tell you why.

I think the word "bitch" is incredibly degrading, especially to women.  And until the entire world and every single person is able to reclaim the word to mean something different, it shouldn't be used at all.  I tried to do a bit of reseach for this blog (and by research I mean wikipedia).  Bitch, by it's very definition, is a female dog.  Now, I bet if anyone comes up to anyone and calls them a female dog, people would generally be confused.  In slang terms, "dog" is commonly a negative word put on someone, which is the first negative strike to the word "bitch."

The second negative strike to the word "bitch" would be the fact that it is a female dog.  So because the word "bitch" is negatively connotated, it implicitly shows that females are inferior to males and females are implicitly negative.

So the general origins of the word annoy me and make me sad, especially because there are so many people that loosely swing the word around.  I admit I have on occassion utilized that word as well.  I honestly feel that people don't understand first of all what the word means, and second of all, what the implications of the word means.

I argue that by calling someone a bitch, you are degrading females everywhere.  Because of the way the word has been used in society and popular culture, it's a word that takes on a lot more meaning than what is just at surface level.  It's a word that has been used in the past to call people mean names; but under the surface, it is saying that person is mean or bad because they are a "female dog."  Seriously, why is it so wrong to be a female?

I think it gets even worse than that.  What happens when a male calls a female a bitch in a serious manner?  It is the ultimate form of disrespect and degrading within that word.  Not only are you a female, but you are a low form of an animal as well.  And by women calling other women that word, in a serious or in a joking manner, it only is perpetuating the fact that it is ok for anyone to call anyone else a bitch.  Which I disagree with.

While not the same thing, I think about the feminist movement and it's comparisions to other equality movements.  For example.  There was a time, a long time ago, when the n-word was considered slang and an acceptable form of joking or even a small degradation tool that people didn't confront.  Or the f-word, or even the word "gay," to an extent.  It's the same thing in that the origins of these words mean simplistic things, and society has created an implicit meaning of degradation.  There have been movements to try to get people to think about their choice of words, because these words are degrading and inappropriate.  When is it time for the movement against "bitch?" 

I argue the time is now.  Now is the time that we stop degrading women, and one of the easiest things we can do is watch our language. 

There have been movements in the past for people to reclaim words.  For example, there is a popular musical artist named Bitch, who worked to create equality for women.  There is a feminist magazine called Bitch.  The point of reclaiming words is to empower the word to yourself.  So if I were to reclaim the word bitch, I would be proud to be a strong woman.  And I am, very proud, of being a strong feminist woman.  But here is my issue with reclaiming.  It only works if everyone buys into it.  While I don't think reclaiming a word is out of the question, I also feel that reclaiming a word needs time and a society needs to be ready for education.  That being said, it's not really going to mean much to reclaim the word bitch, and people still use it in a derogatory way. There could be a great element of education in reclaiming a word for the general population. However, the general public also needs to have some sort of awareness before this education can happen. And I feel that the general public isn't ready for that yet.

That being said, I hate the word "bitch." It might be one of my most hated words, because of the implications it has on society and people. I am not sure how well I explain this, but at least I hope it makes someone think that the words they use, while seemingly meaningless, actually are laced with a plethora of meanings and emotions.

And of course, because I was mean again, here is a picture of my cutie cat to lighten the mood:

Gender- beyond the binary

I have been thinking about gender a lot lately.  Nay, that's a lie.  I always think about gender.  It's sort of my "thing."  I actually hate gender with a passion.  There is no point to gender, it doesn't exist, it's basically just society's way of forcing people into boxes. 

But recent events have led me to really think about gender and really get into the perspective of someone who does not fit gender "norms" of society.  And I hate society for creating gender.

Ok, first things first.  There is a difference between sex and gender, right?  Sex is biological, your genitalia, etc.  Gender is the socially constructed exterior portrayal of one's identity.  Also, my personal belief is that there is no such thing as "opposite sex."  There is only "different sex."  Yes, there are biological differences in people that make our bodies different and allow us to procreate, if one chooses.  But I also think biological sex is on a spectrum.  If we say there are only 2 sexes, meaning only male and female, then what happens with individuals that are intersexed?  I am under the belief that a clitoris is a small penis, basically meaning that we are all the same, just with different sizes of genitalia.  But I digress.

This is not a blog about sex... maybe I can discuss my thoughts on that more later.  Right now, I am focusing on gender.  I had never thought about gender much until I took a woman's study class in college.  In reading stories of trans identified individuals, I really began to think of my own gender portrayal and why I dress the way I do.  I wear heels.  I wear skirts.  I have long hair.  I like my boobs.  But why?  Is it because society told me to do so because I was biologically female? 

After a long soul searching discussion with myself, I came to the realization that I like being female.  I am cisgendered, meaning my biological sex and my gender identity match up.  Although I have come into my own now and changed some of my gender portrayal based on my thoughts (I hate long fingernails... I hate painting my fingernails....), I feel lucky to be cisgendered.  And I also feel cheated by my experiences.

Gender causes so many issues.  It's just not fair to have to be placed into one category just because of what you biologically are.  It's sort of the same thing as being stereotyped.  "Oh, you have a penis, you must love cars."  "Oh, you have boobs, let's put on some makeup."  While those examples are extreme, and I acknowledge not everyone feels that way or treats people that way, think about the extent to which gender and gender roles are so engrained in society. 

Example.  Why is there still a glass ceiling that woman can't break through?  Because society has been taught that females are passive and not good bosses.  But what a stereotype.  What about when you or others are just children or babies?  You buy biologically female children barbie dolls.  Look at the advertisements on television about children's toys.  Goodness, there is gender stereotypes all over the place!

Side note- I do appreciate the new television commerical for Lowes.  They show a person with a feminine gender portrayal working at Lowes, helping customers build things.  I think that is very refreshing to see, that women can be successful in the trades.

Gender is so sickening.  What happens if you don't fall into those stereotypical roles?  People can be mean.  People can make you feel "less than."  People can cut you down.  People can stop you from getting jobs, getting a role in an organization, or any other thing.  Just because you can't place someone in a box, it's a frustrating situation for people.

Now, I honestly believe that most people are not inately mean.  I think they are just ignorant, and that's fine, but it's time to get educated.  I think people get confused when they can't place a pronoun to a person.  But why do we need pronouns?  Simple solution- ask people what pronoun they prefer, even if their gender portrayal seems crystal clear.  It will create a more inclusive community and a more comfortable feel.

Who cares of the person you are talking to is male or female?  What difference does it make?  Are you going to treat them any differently?  If your answer is "yes," ask yourself why you would treat people differently. 

It's frustrating to me to place a binary on something that isn't binary.  I know this blog probably is a bunch of ramblings, but I just felt I needed to get something out there.  It pisses me off, quite frankly, to hear so many gendered and binary statements and stereotypes in our culture.  For example:

I HATE the phrase "that takes balls."  Why?  Why the hell do you have to have male anatomy to be brave?  That makes NO sense.  What about "that takes guts," or even "that takes lungs?"  Long story on the lungs thing- but basically these mean that to be brave, you just need to be you.  You don't need to be male.

Or "you throw like a girl."  So that means females are weak and can't play sports well?  No.  So wrong. 

Or even gendered words in society.  I hate the word "panties."  It's underwear.  Not only does the word panties just feel gross on my tongue, it's such a gendered word.  I have never heard anyone tell a biological/gender portayed male that they wear panties.  It is a female word.  So no, it's not an acceptable word in my language.  Everyone can wear underwear. 

Or the popular phrase "That's what she said."  Not only is it a reference to heterosexual sex, but it also uses a feminine pronoun.  Now, I love making those jokes.  But I always say "that's what ze said."  Ze is a gender-neutral pronoun, so anyone, regardless of where they are on the sex or gender spectrum, is able to make that joke.  Again, it's about being inclusive.

Things need to change in society.  I apologize if I sound upset and preachy in this, my second blog post, but I hope you can understand my point and follow along regardless.  I guess I am trying to say that until we go beyond the binary of sex and gender, people are going to continue to be marginalized in society, being forced to fit into a box.  But nobody can fit into every box.  Don't place stereotypes on people that seem to be one way.  Don't assume sex based on gender.  Don't assume gender pronouns, and don't make assumptions about what a person wants.

The world needs to be more inclusive.  And I feel that change needs to come from indivdiual people to make a difference.  So with that, I would urge you to just take a couple of seconds and think about your own assumptions and language as it relates to gender and sex.  As I continue my own journey into social justice and privilege, I urge everyone to be in a journey as well.

And that is my ramblings for the moment.  And now, because I did get pretty pissed off, nobody can get pissed off at a cute cat:

Welcome, and It Gets Better!

Hello!  I was recently told I would be a great blogger, so I decided to challenge that person and see if it were true.  Thus comes the beginning of my blog, the ramblings of a 20 something cat lady.  Yes, I am 20 something.  Yes, I am a cat lady that currently owns 2 cats, but probably will end up with 70 someday.  And I do ramble.  I have a lot to say.  A lot to vent about, and a lot to be cynical about.  So as I go through my life journey, I am going to embark on being honest and open about my life and my thoughts on society.  So here you go. 

I mostly get mad at the media.  Seriously, I blame the media for a lot of the shit that goes on in society.  Oh, don't get me wrong.  I am one lovely media whore.  I park myself in front of the television every chance I get, and I am constantly checking Facebook, CNN, Perez Hilton, and so many other websites, just to get the latest gossip.  But because I am such a frequent reader and intaker of media, I feel justified in complaining about it.

I hate with a passion the "It Gets Better" campaign.  I'm sorry.  If this offends you, I apologize.  But let me  explain my point before I become labeled a hater.  First of all, I love the idea of the campaign.  Celebrities, queer and non-queer, coming together to tell people that bullying is wrong.  Bullying is wrong.  And it has gone on long enough for people under the LGBTQ umbrella.  I will probably go on a rant someday about how being queer is not a choice; I will probably also go on a rant about why I like the word queer and not gay.  I will also probably go on a rant about how it's not "gay marriage," it's "same sex marriage."  But this is not the day.  Today I am focused solely on the "It Gets Better" campaign.

I like the concept of the campaign.  I like that it is pushing LGBTQ issues into mainstream media, and it is giving a face to people that have long been subordinated.  I like that people are coming out as LGBTQ and as advocates, and I love the acceptance and support.  I love it all, and I love the concept of the campaign, I truly do.

Here's my problem.  I hate the unspoken, implicit meaning of "it gets better."  Basically, it means "deal with the shit you are going through right now, because in the future, you won't have to deal with this same shit."  So.... deal with bullying and deal with hate speech and deal with feeling "less than" for the time being, and dream of the future when "it gets better."  Now, I know this is not the actual meaning of the campaign.  I know the messages that have come out from this campaign do not say that.

But here's my argument.  I bet about 95% of the American population has heard about the campaign, but only about 60% have actually seen the videos and read the messages.  That leaves a large group of people that only hear "it gets better," and only vaguely understand the concept of the campaign.  And the words "it gets better" come across as sit tight and dream of the future.  I argue that not all of the American population, or the world population, educates themselves enough with the media to actually understand and take the time to get to know the actual meaning of the campaign.  Therefore, it seems like the title and the little clips that are put out there in popular media have a huge responsibility of actually representing what the campaign stands for.

There is my argument.  I don't think the title matches the actual campaign purpose and mission.  Yes, things do get better.  But why wait for it?  Take an active role to actually do something about it and make it better now.  Maybe the real title should have been "make it better," or "Stand together," or something like that.  Because those focus on active current situations, instead of passive waiting for the future. 

Again, I love the concept of the campaign, and it is much needed.  The campaign has done so much. I just wish it had a better title.  But maybe I am too critical and too cynical.  But I also think the media has a huge responsibility, because of all of the media consumers.  Because of that, everything should be scrutinized and thought about critically before being pushed into the mass media and society. 

But those are just my ramblings. 

To end on a positive note, isn't my kitten adorable?