In a effort to be more honest with myself, I have been thinking a lot about body image and weight and health. And because I promised to hold myself accountable to my feelings and not hide them away, what better way to do that than write about it in a public forum?
The other night, I experienced a very common occurrence. A very small, thin individual sat down on a bench, and the bench collapsed. The individual wasn't hurt, and the source was that the bench was not put up right, so anyone who would have sat on the bench would have made it collapse. However, that did not change the laughter. And I admit, I laughed too, it was really funny to see someone at one moment squatting to sit down, and the next minute on the floor. And then the comments came in. And I am sure you know what those comments were....
It got me thinking, and I don't think this is a unique experience. If someone that was overweight would have sat on that bench and collapsed, the comments wouldn't have been funny. How many of us would have said "wow, that bench doesn't support the weight," or something to that effect? When in all honesty, that bench can and does support up to 1,500 pounds. But we don't think of that. We only see the body size of the person.
I am someone that has struggled with their weight and body image my entire life. My entire family is large, and even to the point where some family members have medical conditions because of their weight. In a family that needs to order special clothing for their size, I am really the odd person out. Ok, personal disclosure... this is scary. I am, what I consider, an average size. I wear a size 8-10, depending on the brand, and I weight about 140 with my thigh muscles. I probably weight about half of what my sister weighs. Which is fine. But my entire life, there has been this huge conflicting disconnect in my brain when it comes to body image and weight, and it's hard to deal with.
In my family, I am called "skinny minny." I am constantly told that I am wasting away, and I am so thin. In society, I am told that I am too big, I can be a plus sized model, and I have too many curves. It's confusing and so different.
When I was in high school, I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be the cheerleader and the popular person, and I thought the best way to do that would be to be skinny. I basically ruined my metabolism those years, by eating only about 400 calories a day. I understand how unhealthy that is, but at the time, I couldn't think of any other way to feel better about myself. At lunch, I would buy a bottle of water and a bowl of 100 calorie cereal, and feel proud of myself. But here's the thing...it doesn't make sense. My self worth is not tied into my weight. When I lived in Arkansas, I was the heaviest I have ever been, and I was also the happiest I have ever been. Because I chose to live my life, not worry about what others see in me.
This is my issue. Sizeism is here, and it's very very real. Subconscious thoughts, mutterings under breath, blatant discrimination, it's all here and you can see it every single day. The fact that the average woman in America wears a size 16, yet you don't see a single woman over 120 pounds in popular media is a great example. The fact that young children can't find larger sizes in the "popular" stores is alienating. The fact that if a person of average size sits on a chair and it breaks and the comments are different than if it were a person of small size is discriminatory. This is all very hurtful, and leads to a lot of unhealthy behaviors.
Studies have shown that the general population considers people that are overweight to be incompetent. Just by judging their appearance. How the hell do you know what a person is capable of just by looking at them? Why are we, the general population, judging people based on the number on their scale?
I don't want to go into the whole reasoning why people weigh they way they do. I understand there are many reasons people can be overweight. But this is not what this blog is about. It's about understanding that regardless of why, regardless of the reason people weigh what they do, they are people. And larger society is discriminatory, unfair, and has very unrealistic expectations.
Here's my thing. Who cares what people weigh? What difference or matter is it to you? Why can't we treat people like people, instead of pre-judging based on appearance? I have really struggled with my weight and body image, simply because society gives us a standard for what is appropriate. But what I think we don't understand is that we can change that standard, and have no standard at all!
It's not about weight. It's about health. It's not about a number, it's about how you feel inside. Weight is just another example of society working to create this "otherness," this sense that there is a norm and there are people that don't fit into that norm. But I am saying there doesn't have to be a norm. We all should be free to be who we are.
Discrimination comes in all forms. It's not just about blatant things. Here's my challenge to you. Just think about your interactions with people. Think and check yourself. What are your assumptions when you approach different people? What are you changing about yourself based on who you approach? If we can all make a pledge to not treat people differently because of their size, maybe there wouldn't be so many bad things. Maybe people wouldn't feel pressured to be a certain way and exhibit unhealthy behaviors. Maybe this world could be a better place. And that's all I ask.
