As you may know, I started playing with a new derby league when I moved out West. For the most part, I have truly enjoyed the experience. But there's something that's really bothering me.
All of the coaches and trainers in this league have been calling the skaters "ladies." I don't like being described as a "lady." I don't like the word at all. This is not to negate anyone that does like the word - I have a very dear friend who loves calling herself a lady, and I think that's great. But that's not who I am.
To me, there's a connotation to the word lady that is innately degrading. To me, a "lady" is someone that is weak, someone that isn't able to do equal tasks or work to other people, and is a domesticated, "safe" person. Society has shown that ladies are dainty, they don't do anything wrong, and they are treated with safety gloves. I personally do not identify as a lady, and I think that overall, when someone calls you a lady, it's a degrading concept.
To add to that, one of the teams has a male coach, who continually called the skaters "ladies." I just feel that this makes it that much worse, for several reasons. First of all, this coach didn't skate. He immediately separated himself from the skaters and himself, and stood in the middle with his street clothes on. Now, I know that's what technically a coach should do; but I think there are some different power dynamics that come into play when a male-identified individual comes out, separating himself from all the other people out there, and tells the skaters what to do. All while calling the skaters "ladies." So not only was he not identifying himself as a part of the group, but then to make the gap larger, he identified the skaters as "ladies," and himself as "not a lady."
I have had male coaches before. In my first league, there were several male-identified skaters that were voted as coaches. I think the difference from that league to this experience is that with my first league, the coaches were skaters. They identified themselves with the group they were training, and did the drills with them. They were on skates, they made themselves vulnerable just like the other skaters, and minimized that power differential. Additionally, I don't believe the term "ladies" was used from a coach. This might be because there were male-identified skaters in those practices most of the time, but it wasn't as might of a power differential in my first league.
Add to that the concept that roller derby is supposed to be an inclusive, safe environment for all people. Roller derby is one of the first sports that has allowed gender non-conforming or trans folks to participate and compete, which is a source of pride for the community. So by using the term "lady," it's negating the concept that all people should be comfortable here.
If you are reading this, and if you are involved in a community, whether it be roller derby or otherwise, be conscious of your word choice. It makes a difference. Instead of using the word "lady," let's use the word "folks." Or my favorite in roller derby, "skaters." We are not all ladies; we are not all defined by this word. Let's work on making this a more inclusive world by understanding that sometimes our words oppress others, and doing something about it.
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