National Coming Out Day

Today, October 11, marks the 25th anniversary of National Coming Out Day.  It's a "holiday" created by individuals to raise awareness and promote a safe space for people that identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or allies.  From my reading of the history of the movement, it all started with a march in Washington to promote the rights of gay individuals, and has become a celebration of sorts from there on out.

That being said, I struggle with National Coming Out Day.  Or maybe just coming out in general.  Listen, I get it.  I understand how important it is to come out.  I understand how important it is to have visibility of LGBTQ individuals in the world, and I know how important it is to "normalize" being queer. I fight for all of that, and I truly and honestly believe it.

But.  Here's my struggle.  Some people cannot come out.  I feel that there are times in the queer community where if someone is not "out" and "proud," they are shamed.  And that sucks.  Nobody should ever be pressured to come out, for many reasons.  We don't know everyone's life and struggle.  We don't understand where everyone is coming from.  Maybe it's not safe for them to come out.  Maybe that is not their priority at the moment.

Coming out is great.  Visibility is great.  I truly believe it is important and necessary to be out, to make being queer a natural part of society and life.  I think we have made some great strides towards this recently, and it has been because people are coming out.  I think coming out is great.

But I also hate the idea of coming out, because it sensationalizes something that shouldn't be sensationalized.  Who cares if I am dating a man or a woman?  Heterosexual individuals don't need to come out.  So why do queer individuals?  I dream of a world where a teenager can simply start dating someone without conversations or judgment, regardless of sex or gender.  I completely understand that this is not the world we live in.  And one of the only ways to live in this world is for more and more people to come out and make being queer a natural and normal thing in society.  I get it. 

So basically, I have no answers.  All I know is that I am always a bit uncomfortable when National Coming Out Day comes around, because I know for some queer folks, this means pressure.  It means serious debates and guilty feelings, and questioning your personal responsibility versus your personal safety.  So here's my thought.  Let's celebrate National Coming Out Day.  Let's celebrate being queer and work on being visible.  But let's also not shame people that can't come out.  Let's provide a supportive and educational environment for ALL people, in whatever stage of life they are in.  No judgment, no harm, no pressure.  Just a day to celebrate queerness, be supportive of all people, and enjoy life.