Tigers Above, Tigers Below

Have you ever heard of that story, in which a person is hanging on a cliff, with only a branch to hold onto?  There are tigers below, and tigers above.  The person can't climb up, the tigers are chewing away at the branch, and it is inevitable the person will die regardless of which way they turn.  But the person then sees an apple, and reaches to it, and starts to eat this delicious apple.

Even in my terrible storytelling paraphrasing, the point of this story is to enjoy the little moments in life.  Death is inevitable; pain and heartache is inevitable.  But if you focus on the small things, the little things that bring you happiness, it is easier to live in the moment and understand what life is all about.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, in my quest for happiness.  If you follow my blog at all, you know happiness is a concept I struggle with a lot.  Lately it has been even more of a struggle, as my life has taken me on very unexpected journeys and unexpected twists and turns.  I am trying hard to refocus and figure out what I want in my life, and with that comes a lot of soul searching.

This Tigers Above, Tigers Below story really speaks to me.  One of the biggest things I have been trying to focus on is what makes me happy.  Not for an entire day, not for an entire hour even.  In each moment, what makes my soul soar?  What is my apple? 

And I am beginning to realize it is the little things.  It's the way my cats drop their toy mice at my feet.  It's the way my heart feels lighter when my roller skates hit the floor.  It's the way sitting at a diner at midnight with my derby team makes me feel, laughing like a 12 year old kid.  It's the way a warm mug of coffee feels against my hands in the morning.  It's the feeling of a hot shower after a long and sweaty practice.  It's how I feel when I execute a good move at a derby scrimmage.

I can't change the fact that there are tigers above me, and tigers below me.  They will always be there.  Sometimes they are me and my mind.  There will always be those obstacles, those things that just plain suck.  But what I can change is my perspective. I don't need to always focus on those tigers.  I don't need to let them bother me.  Because I can find something that makes me feel better.  And I need to do it.

So here's my goal.  In order to refocus my life and try to be a happier me, I am going to focus on my apples.  Yes, there are always the tigers.  A lot of tigers, lately.  But you make the best of the situation.  You focus on what you can control, you change your perspective, and you live in the moment.  I had this "aha!" moment this evening.  I was feeling pretty shitty about a lot of things, and I am incredibly stressed out at the moment. I was trying to clean my apartment when Albus, the sweetest cat in the world, dropped his toy mouse at my feet and looked up expectantly at me.  His face was so proud, and it just made me laugh out loud.  My heart instantly lightened. 

It's things like that.  I'm not going to ignore the bad.  I'm not going to create a false sense of reality.  But I am going to try to remember the good feelings, bring what makes me happy to myself, and change my perspective on things.  It won't be easy, it takes practice to refocus from those tigers.  But I am ready for the challenge, because I need it in life.

And to inspire you, if you would like, one of my favorite singers, Ellis Delaney, performing her song "Tigers Above, Tigers Below:"