Gender- beyond the binary

I have been thinking about gender a lot lately.  Nay, that's a lie.  I always think about gender.  It's sort of my "thing."  I actually hate gender with a passion.  There is no point to gender, it doesn't exist, it's basically just society's way of forcing people into boxes. 

But recent events have led me to really think about gender and really get into the perspective of someone who does not fit gender "norms" of society.  And I hate society for creating gender.

Ok, first things first.  There is a difference between sex and gender, right?  Sex is biological, your genitalia, etc.  Gender is the socially constructed exterior portrayal of one's identity.  Also, my personal belief is that there is no such thing as "opposite sex."  There is only "different sex."  Yes, there are biological differences in people that make our bodies different and allow us to procreate, if one chooses.  But I also think biological sex is on a spectrum.  If we say there are only 2 sexes, meaning only male and female, then what happens with individuals that are intersexed?  I am under the belief that a clitoris is a small penis, basically meaning that we are all the same, just with different sizes of genitalia.  But I digress.

This is not a blog about sex... maybe I can discuss my thoughts on that more later.  Right now, I am focusing on gender.  I had never thought about gender much until I took a woman's study class in college.  In reading stories of trans identified individuals, I really began to think of my own gender portrayal and why I dress the way I do.  I wear heels.  I wear skirts.  I have long hair.  I like my boobs.  But why?  Is it because society told me to do so because I was biologically female? 

After a long soul searching discussion with myself, I came to the realization that I like being female.  I am cisgendered, meaning my biological sex and my gender identity match up.  Although I have come into my own now and changed some of my gender portrayal based on my thoughts (I hate long fingernails... I hate painting my fingernails....), I feel lucky to be cisgendered.  And I also feel cheated by my experiences.

Gender causes so many issues.  It's just not fair to have to be placed into one category just because of what you biologically are.  It's sort of the same thing as being stereotyped.  "Oh, you have a penis, you must love cars."  "Oh, you have boobs, let's put on some makeup."  While those examples are extreme, and I acknowledge not everyone feels that way or treats people that way, think about the extent to which gender and gender roles are so engrained in society. 

Example.  Why is there still a glass ceiling that woman can't break through?  Because society has been taught that females are passive and not good bosses.  But what a stereotype.  What about when you or others are just children or babies?  You buy biologically female children barbie dolls.  Look at the advertisements on television about children's toys.  Goodness, there is gender stereotypes all over the place!

Side note- I do appreciate the new television commerical for Lowes.  They show a person with a feminine gender portrayal working at Lowes, helping customers build things.  I think that is very refreshing to see, that women can be successful in the trades.

Gender is so sickening.  What happens if you don't fall into those stereotypical roles?  People can be mean.  People can make you feel "less than."  People can cut you down.  People can stop you from getting jobs, getting a role in an organization, or any other thing.  Just because you can't place someone in a box, it's a frustrating situation for people.

Now, I honestly believe that most people are not inately mean.  I think they are just ignorant, and that's fine, but it's time to get educated.  I think people get confused when they can't place a pronoun to a person.  But why do we need pronouns?  Simple solution- ask people what pronoun they prefer, even if their gender portrayal seems crystal clear.  It will create a more inclusive community and a more comfortable feel.

Who cares of the person you are talking to is male or female?  What difference does it make?  Are you going to treat them any differently?  If your answer is "yes," ask yourself why you would treat people differently. 

It's frustrating to me to place a binary on something that isn't binary.  I know this blog probably is a bunch of ramblings, but I just felt I needed to get something out there.  It pisses me off, quite frankly, to hear so many gendered and binary statements and stereotypes in our culture.  For example:

I HATE the phrase "that takes balls."  Why?  Why the hell do you have to have male anatomy to be brave?  That makes NO sense.  What about "that takes guts," or even "that takes lungs?"  Long story on the lungs thing- but basically these mean that to be brave, you just need to be you.  You don't need to be male.

Or "you throw like a girl."  So that means females are weak and can't play sports well?  No.  So wrong. 

Or even gendered words in society.  I hate the word "panties."  It's underwear.  Not only does the word panties just feel gross on my tongue, it's such a gendered word.  I have never heard anyone tell a biological/gender portayed male that they wear panties.  It is a female word.  So no, it's not an acceptable word in my language.  Everyone can wear underwear. 

Or the popular phrase "That's what she said."  Not only is it a reference to heterosexual sex, but it also uses a feminine pronoun.  Now, I love making those jokes.  But I always say "that's what ze said."  Ze is a gender-neutral pronoun, so anyone, regardless of where they are on the sex or gender spectrum, is able to make that joke.  Again, it's about being inclusive.

Things need to change in society.  I apologize if I sound upset and preachy in this, my second blog post, but I hope you can understand my point and follow along regardless.  I guess I am trying to say that until we go beyond the binary of sex and gender, people are going to continue to be marginalized in society, being forced to fit into a box.  But nobody can fit into every box.  Don't place stereotypes on people that seem to be one way.  Don't assume sex based on gender.  Don't assume gender pronouns, and don't make assumptions about what a person wants.

The world needs to be more inclusive.  And I feel that change needs to come from indivdiual people to make a difference.  So with that, I would urge you to just take a couple of seconds and think about your own assumptions and language as it relates to gender and sex.  As I continue my own journey into social justice and privilege, I urge everyone to be in a journey as well.

And that is my ramblings for the moment.  And now, because I did get pretty pissed off, nobody can get pissed off at a cute cat: